Walking the Berkshires

Slingshots are for LOSERS and other Tweets across the ages

Slingshots are for LOSERS.  Goliath is going to make Philistines great again.  David is going down, big-time.

If Jocasta weren’t my mother, perhaps I’d be dating her.

They say Homer wrote heroic epics.  I like poets who aren’t blind.

Stonehenge, what a dump.  Half the bluestones are just lying there.  My temple will line up with the Sun every day, not just on the Solstice.

Moses parting the Red Sea.  Fake News!  Pharaoh’s army drained it to build the Suez Canal, and made the Israelites pay for it.

Jesus should release his real birth certificate.  He was from Nazareth, not Bethlehem.  And who’s the father?

Attila says very nice things about me.  Having a good relationship with the Huns is a good thing, not a bad thing.

Offa wants to keep Mercia on the silver standard.  My pennies will be gold.  You can bite them and see.  Or just bite me.

All those barons protesting for me to sign the Magna Carta need to get over it.  I got 100% of the votes to be King.  Sad.

The concept of the Black Death was created by and for the Chinese in order to make medieval European manufacturing non-competitive.

David got schlonged with that fake statue by Michelangelo.  Look at his hands, big like mine, but such a tiny…whatever.

The only card Queen Elizabeth has is the Woman Card.  If Queen Elizabeth were a man, I bet she wouldn’t sink 5% of my Armada.

John Winthrop can keep his city on a hill.  We’re going to drain some swamp land in Florida and make an amazing golf course.

Thomas Jefferson said some very unkind things about me.  You know, it really doesn’t matter what those rebels write, so long as they have a young, and beautiful, piece of ass.

Thomas Paine is very overrated.  We’re gonna get rid of Common Sense and replace it with something terrific.

The 3/5 Compromise was a terrible deal.  I would have made a much better one, 1/5 at least, right?  I’d compromise it, bigly.

Catherine wasn’t so great.  A lightweight, very low-energy.  Not my type at all.

Louis XVI should totally appoint Robespierre his Real Estates-General.  Trust me, I made billions that way.

The Louisiana Purchase never should have been negotiated.  We get the worst of everything.  I’m putting Napoleon on notice.

From now on it's America First.  No Catholics, no Irish need apply.  Know Nothings.  I love the uneducated.

Roger B. Taney, great guy.  That Dred Scott decision was major, super-classy. 

You know why Pickett charged?  He had good credit.  And he got a nice tax write-off when he went bankrupt.   Smart.

The Black Hills are a disaster, so much crime, folks.  You’re living in poverty, your schools are no good.  If Sitting Bull can’t deal with it, I’m sending in the 7^th Cavalry.  What have you got to lose?

Water closets, disgusting.  Thomas Crapper is a moron. You’ll never find one of those in my hotels, that I can tell you.

The Titanic, beautiful ship, very classy.  Unsinkable.  Bad Hombres in steerage, though.  This much I know.

I like unrestricted submarine warfare.  I like it a lot.  I don’t think it’s tough enough.  You’ve got to fight fire with fire.

Helium is a JOKE.  Number 2 on the Periodic Table.  Hydrogen is Number 1.  The Hindenburg will have the best element, believe me.

If Neville Chamberlain can't bring peace to Europe, nobody can.  He’s going to be very, very strong on Hitler. 

We shall fight on the beaches.  Terrible brand.  They were cheering in Jersey over Dunkirk, folks.  Unbelievable.

Penicillin.  Some very smart people say it’s just mold.  Disgusting.  I’m very germaphobic.

NATO isn’t paying its share to maintain the Iron Curtain. We’re gonna build a wall, a beautiful wall around West Berlin. 

We should definitely go to war in Viet Nam.  I don't know what will happen, but it will be interesting.

Gone Fishing

These words are written on my grandfather's grave, carved on local field stone plucked and scoured by ice and sea.  There is a family story that goes with it, and this other meaning will pass from general knowledge when none of us now living is around to explain it.  That is one of the reasons I started this blog nearly a decade ago, back in the fall of 2005 when my head and heart were full of ideas and memories that needed a new outlet for expression.  It was to leave a record, even in this most ephemeral of electronic media, for others to find and follow.

Since then, my interests have taken new directions and found new outlets.  I started writing a nature column for the local paper,  and that is where my environmental writing has gone ever since.  There is enough material now to compile into book form, a project I hope to pursue.  Social media supplanted blogging as an outlet for the short form post with immediate reader feedback.  My personal life took new directions as well, and I no longer spend nights up late at night, avoiding unhappiness at home.

I stopped writing here on a regular basis several years ago, but I still blog elsewhere.  Instead of a general purpose blog I have three specialized ones.

My interest in 18th century material culture research and living history finds serious expression in the newest of these: "Another Pair Not Fellows; Adventures in Research and Reinterpreting the American Revolution."  I am still proud of the historical research I conducted and present here at Walking the Berkshires, especially the series which was recognized with a Cliopatria Award in 2008 and the documentation behind four posts on the march of Burgoyne's Convention Troops through Connecticut which was accepted in research paper form as an addition to the collections of the David Library of the American Revolution.Over time, I will probably archive relevant material from Walking the Berkshires here, possibly after first reformatting them as .pdfs on Scribd.  There are a couple that ought to be presented as scholarly research papers, and a seventeen post series with broken links is not really the best way to present that material. 

My irreverent sense of humor and love of the scholarly send up produced the fictional Journal of Constant Belcher, a wholly contrived character whose misadventures during the American Revolution make such convincing use of actual documentary evidence that I inadvertently mislead the entire Revolutionary War Reenacting community when I announced its "discovery."  I had assumed that entries such as the following made with tongue planted firmly in cheek would have been a dead giveaway - Maj. Bloomfield bid me make a place for his horse in the boat for crossing to Cuckoldstown /  Gave it green pippins from his haversack So that it might ease our passage with a copious wind/.  Sadly it was all too believable, and there are places in the hobby today where the mere mention of Belcher's name causes eyes to roll and brows to furrow.  There is a Facebook Page for Constant Belcher, too, where the social media are alerted to my latest discoveries from his journal.

Finally, there is a blog called Cornflower Blue & Corduroy; Wargaming the German - Herero and Nama Wars of 1904 -1908.  This is a new direction for two old interests - a love of painted miniatures and of Namibia.  I have a very small circle of people with whom to share this area of historical inquiry and recreational pursuit, but it has involved my learning to decipher and translate German in the old Fraktur font and presenting my findings, sometimes for the first time,  in English translation.

As for Walking the Berkshires, it is so well diffused in the electronic media stream that I still get contacted through email by people who have found one of my old posts.  I see my role for now as its curator, tending the archives without adding new acquisitions.  This blog made many important connections and friendships for me, in particular with the genea-blogging community, many of whom I still find on Facebook.  It deserves to be cared for rather than abandoned.

Gone fishing was requested as an epitaph by my grandfather, Robert Howard Barker, after talking about the great uncertainties of death with his young son Robbie.  The idea of burial and what happens to the body and spirit is a lot for any person to absorb, particularly a young child.  Robbie had been learning about the water table in school, and so resolved this great mystery by announcing that after he was buried, he would go fishing in the water table.  My grandfather announced then and there that "Gone Fishing" is what he wanted on his gravestone. 

Three decades or so later, I'd like to think he got his wish.

Constant Balderdash: Constant Belcher Rides Again

This is inside baseball (way low and inside, actually), but those of you who love a possibly too clever historical farce may be interested in the further adventures of the fictional Private Constant Belcher: sometime batman to Brigade Major Aaron Ogden of the New Jersey Line and something of a cross between Harry Flashman and Blackadder's Baldrick. 

Although it bears repeating that he is NOT REAL, and that any historical personages or military units described in his "Journal" are used fictitiously, Constant Belcher has a blog of his own, and also a Facebook page, so like him if you do (and keep cool if you don't) but he appears to be here to stay.  Also, as his editor I have thoughtfully provided useful background information of genuine historical interest by way of introduction to his narratives. 

Thus far the Belcher papers that have been transcribed by me and my fellow conspirator  collaborator Larry Schmidt cover the following episodes during the American Revolution:

• (Jan 22-25th, 1776) The Bluemountain Valley Whaleboat Raid
• (July 24th - August 28th, 1776); in which Belcher dabbles in submersibles
• (Dec 21st 1776 - Jan 5th 1777) when Belcher was a civilian in Morristown and determined to enlist in the 1st NJ (2nd est.);
• (April 1st -21st, 1777) when Belcher is sent to procure uniform coats at Elizabethtown, NJ
• (August 2st and 22nd, 1777) Sullivan's Staten Island Raid;
• (May 10th and 11th, 1778) when Belcher visited Sally Wister;
• (June 23rd - June 28th, 1778) Monmouth Campaign , concerning also the colours of the 1st NJ and Molly Pitcher, and
• (Sept 3rd - 9th, 1780) concerning the Death of General Poor & possibly involving Joseph Plumb Martin .

Rest assured we shall keep you abreast of further developments and what we anticipate will be more amazing discoveries as they are revealed in the Belcher Journal.  To any who were taken in my initial Belcher revelations last Autumn, I plead nolo contendere and call upon your better natures to assume good intent.  And if you still think giving green apples to a horse will help speed the passage of your watercraft by means of a copious wind, then I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.  Or at the very least, Belcher's submarine.

Your Most Humble & Obedient Servant

 

Brainteasers

Remember that old game show Concentration, where contestants had to identify familiar words and phrases by deciphering pictures and images riddled with puns and phonetic representations?  Well, yesterday for Valentines Day I gave this to my beloved...

Hopelessly romantic, especially for a girl who loves language and has a newly minted PhD.

But don't despair!  Just because we are not friends on Facebook (where these have already had their debut) doesn't mean you can't have the fun of trying to crack the code in the brainteasers I offer here for your amusement.

See what you make of these mental calisthenics....

 

 

The Journal of Constant Belcher, Batman of the 1st New Jersey

Disclaimer:  The following is a piece of regrettably too clever satire, written for the amusement of my reenacting friends, that I can ruefully confirm is a tongue-in-cheek fabrication.  There are a number of references in the body of the message and in the so-called Journal of Constant Belcher, starting with his name, that we hoped would be tip offs.  We had no intention of creating a hoax and apologise to those who care deeply, as do we both, about this period and its scholarly research.    We all dream about finding the real thing.  This is not it, but if you will forgive us our tresspasses, Constant Belcher may yet return, ala his fictional inspirations Harry Flashman and Blackadder's Baldrick. 

My friend and reenacting comrade in arms Larry Schmidt and I were deep in our research into the original color of the field of our regimental flag – he favors a minty green (which he claims is "refreshing"), while I am holding out for Jersey drab – when we made an extraordinary discovery.  We recently visited the Spanktown Society of Friends in Carteret, New Jersey.  We were ushered into a disused storeroom at the back of the building, the oldest part of this structure that Larry is convinced is all that remains of the historic Blazing Star Tavern from which you may recall Col. Ogden launched his raid against the loyalists on Staten Island in 1777.   

We had come to view what we were told was an 18^th century American haversack of soiled onsaberg linen on which someone had painted the shield of the 1^st NJ in an early American primitive style.  However, we could see right away that it was actually a grease stain that looked vaguely like a bearded man with undressed hair which is clearly not 18^thcentury. While Larry is not unconvinced that it may in fact be a representation of Edward Hyde, Lord Cornbury, one of the colony's first royal governors who reputedly dressed in women's clothing to effect a likeness to his cousin, Queen Anne, I remain skeptical. 

In any event, we were extremely disappointed to have followed another promising lead down a false trail, but then noticed a bundle of rags that at first we took for something even Adam Young of the 2nd NJ - the most ragged Continental of the them all - might refuse to wear, but which actually proved to be an old book wrapped in tow cloth.  What we found inside literally blew our minds.

It appears to be a journal, in appallingly poor handwriting, written by an enlisted man in Colonel Ogden’s 1^st New Jersey.  As you all know, anything written by enlisted men is rare enough from this period.  Aside from the 1776 diary of Timothy Tuttle, there is no other contemporary journal of its kind known from our regiment.  While it is very difficult to decipher, appears to have been written in a variety of natural inks, and has many loose pages all out of order, Larry and I have made enough progress to be able to say with certainty that the author is one Constant Belcher of Elizabethtown and that he was for a period the waiter or batman of my own direct ancestor, Brigade Major Aaron Ogden, the brother of Colonel Matthias Ogden!  

Like Ogden, Belcher is an old Elizabeth New Jersey name, and The Belcher-Ogden House in Elizabeth, also known as the Governor Jonathan Belcher Mansion, is another intriguing connection between these families.  I had no idea that Maj. Ogden had a batman named Belcher, and never conceived that he might have left a journal of his experiences.  Larry and I promptly made a $10 contribution to the Spanktown Yearly Meeting and they let us take the tow cloth and its contents.

We are now busily trying to decipher and transcribe the Journal of Constant Belcher and prepare it for scholarly publication.  It is hard going, but each of us has taken sections and we will share the results with you as we have them.  We have decided to omit the ligatures and archaic spellings of standard names and places, and to add punctuation where needed for clarity, but otherwise to leave the entries as Belcher wrote them.   Because of my interest in Sullivan’s Staten Island Raid, I am delighted to be able to share with you now the relevant section from Belcher’s Journal:

“Aug 21^st -  We marcht to Blazing Star this day wair Colo. Ogden told us to leaf our Knapsacks - those that had them - taking only our musquets, cartouch pouches, Bayonets and market wallets to carry off lawful plunder. He must have meant us to wear our Small cloathes as well but made no Mention of them, and some in Capt. Conway’s and Capt. McMyer’s Cos. were reprimanded for appearing in ranks in naught but the clothes of Adam.   Maj. Bloomfield told me to make a place for his horse in the boat for the crossing to Cuckoldstown.  I gave it green pippins from his haversack so that it might ease our passage with a copious wind.

Augt. 22 – Colo. Ogden took command of our force, which was some militia and our Regiment and the 3^rd regiment, as Col. Dayton thought it best not to be associated with any scheme of General Sullivan’s who is an addle pated Hector and like to get poor soldiers kilt.  Thair was but 3 boats betwixt 500 men and we were near enough awash as we were a-going into Fresh Kills on the flood tide.  I lost my shoes in the marsh but got another pair from the Greens after we took their camp.  My share of the plunder come to 6 pair trousers, three regimentals of the 1^st NJV, 8 cocked hats with white tape, a powder horn scrimshandered with some English Doxie in a shift with a helmet with a pair of lions, three Silver Pocket watches, some ladies stays in a Most pleasing Scarlet colour, some first quality sausages, and a Pickering’s Musquet tool.  Colo. Ogden said we must take one of the Schooners that fell into our Hands and return to Elizabethtown with our prisoners and Plunder and I went aboard since it was Clear as day that we had not enuf boats for our own return if we had to be Hasty about it.  Heard them firing up Island and was snugg back in Elizabethtown when Genl. Sullivan brought back his division except his rear Guard whot got left behind as I knew they would.  Found my powder horn was filled with spirits and got drunk as a wheel barrow.”

 I am so excited by this discovery.  Larry and I feel it will absolutely change our understanding of the Revolution from the common man's perspective, and is sure to get a few noses out of joint on RevList.  For one thing, we won't have to throw out our Pickering's Tools anymore as inauthentic!

 

(to be continued @ Constant Belcher's Blogge)

 

Incident at Wyoming; The Ballad of Skorka's Raiders

Skorka's Raiders

(to the tune of Blaydon Races)

By Tim Abbott

a.k.a The Caped Continental

Chorus:                       

Oh me lads, ya should a seen us rowin’

The Battoe “Moon” in a drunken swoon, an’ not a Redcoat knowin’!

All the grenadiers asleep wi’ smiles upon their faces

Gannin’ along Wyomin' Wood…to taste the King’s saus-ages!

 

Aw went out to Wyomin', ‘twas the anniversary

Of a massacre that happened when our country came to be.

We had a score to settle there, an' comrades that were willin’

To take King George’s sausages but ne'er take his shillin’!

 

 (chorus)

 

A price there wa’ upon the head of Sgt. Davie Skorka,

The master of our revels, who was fond of Polish porka.

His insolence did most incense some grenadiers in bearskin

Who called him Macaron’ an’ other names unfit to mention!

 

(chorus)

 

The evening started fair enough wi’ singin’ an’ wi' spirit,

An' Patriots from every fire came over just to hear it.

We sang them Barrett’s Privateers, an' Rovin’s Been my Ru-i-n.

 The notes an' lyrics all are blue, when Skorka calls the tu-i-n!

 

(chorus)

 

The boys wa’ getting thirsty, an' aw was thirsty too; 

An’ we got a taste for lobsters, but Lobsters there were few.

The bloody backs had all made tracks from bayonet-less charges

An' now slept tight in linen white, where Skorka’s band at large is!

 

(chorus)

 

Aw saw an ancient mariner, a Bosun from the “Moon”,

Who took three lusty landsman on the lake at half past two.

We shipped our oars an' drank his grog an' sang the Battoe’s praises,

Then saw a sight, though it was night, put smiles upon our faces!

 

(chorus)

 

We took aboard a passenger, a Briton to our ears,

Who said he was the Batman of John Van Vliet’s Grenadiers.

Though all were tight, at dark of night, he offered us refreshment

An' a midnight snack, by sneak attack, on the 35^th‘s encampment!

 

(chorus)

 

We sauntered an' we stumbled where the laurel blossoms bloom :

The Batman, he, and Skorka’s three, an' the Bosun from the “Moon”.

We found our foemen sleeping an' we sampled of their wares, then,

An' admired their orange facings an' their helmets made from bearskin!

 

(chorus)

 

An' when the day had broken an' we all came to our senses,

The 35^th were sorely miffed at Skorka’s grave offences!

The Batman lost his stripes again, but we hope they do not harm ‘im,

An' invite our foe to have a go this September at Mount Harmon!

 

(chorus)

Download a .pdf broadsheet of Skorka's Raiders in period type - ligatures and all- , at this link!

A Revolutionary War Quiz for Tea Party Patriots

The Battles of Lexington and Concord took place in:

a) New Hampshire

b) Iowa

c) Massachusetts communities that did not vote for Scott Brown.

Paul Revere made his midnight ride:

a) To ring bells and warn the British that they would never take our guns

b) Because his new wife had a craving for Concord grapes.

c) Because Joseph Warren told him to.

The Founding Fathers' views on race relations:

a) led them to work tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States

b) led President Washington to give American support to the slave revolt that achieved Haitian independence.

c) led to the Civil War

The religious beliefs of George Washington and Benjamin Franklin can best be summarized as follows:

a)   Barack Obama is a Muslim.

b).  God is infallible, The Founders were all devout Christians.  Therefore, the Founders were infallible.  Q.E.D.

c)   God’s truths can be found entirely through nature and reason.

The Boston Tea Party:

a) was a Liberatian backlash orchestrated by Fox News

b) is why "the right to destructive mob action" is enshrined in the US Constitution.

c) was not about high taxes.

The United States Constitution:

a) guarantees the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"

b) establishes the right of revolution as positive law

c)  can be visited at the former Charleston Navy Yard, Pier One, Boston.

Oh say, can you C?

Walking the Berkshires is 5: Bring on the Wood!

Walking the Berkshires has reached its 5th Blogiversary today.  Traditionalist readers are welcome to send gifts of wood (I accept nickels and nutmegs only, please).  There have been 1233 posts and 2246 comments since I began blogging here, although now that I link back to Facebook many additional comments happen there.  I am pleased by this ratio, since I write as much to connect as to inform (or entertain). 

Particularly with regard to connections, I have made some very special friendships along the way.  One longtime reader gifted me with his homemade Single Malt Marmalade, and another welcomed me to his home and showed me where my ancestors are buried.  Yet another has shared an extensive interest in Revolutionary war history and reintroduced me to the world of historical reenacting.  And I have met someone very special who was a longtime admirer from afar and who has opened my eyes to the possibility for new found joy.  All this and more, from these eclectic and erratic musings.  I am very grateful.

In retrospect, I really had no idea what WTB would come to mean to me, nor the form and content it would assume over time.  With interests as broad as mine, readers are as likely to encounter a series on a little known episode in American history as they are an irreverent look at Presidential fashion (the one post that launched an Instalanche) or the occasional revelation of personal transition. It is a lot to ask, and I am touched that so many of you check in from time to time for whatever the catch of the day (or every third day or so) may be.

I do have some personal favorite posts.  If I were to update this 2008 vintage greatest hits list, it might well include the following:

Once and Future Holy Ground

Name That DWF

Slave Soldiers in the Struggle for American Independance

Damn Yankees and Civil War Art

Dark Secrets on Gallows Hill

Teach Your Parents Well

Descant

Snow Falling on the Old Year

When the Potus Ad Libs & The Tea Party Chorus

"That is So Wrong!" - What Else Could be Improved with Zombies?"

My 2008 Cliopatria Ward Winning Series on the 1775 Canada Expedition and the Death of Montgomery 

Ebenezer Olmsted, Late, Failing Collector of Taxes

My Margaret Corbin Series

The Court Martial of Col. Matthias Ogden (series)

The Fact of Their Being

There are some additional posts of mine that attract daily visits from people searching for information on obscure historical incidents for which WTB has become something of an authority by virtue of what I have aggregated and analyzed.  Searching for "Morro Castle Disaster" leads to this post, while I get considerable traffic drawn to a post regarding this image of Canadians at Vimy Ridge.  Without question, the casual visitors are largely looking for images, but some of them stay for content.  Even when I have added nothing for days, there are 200+ unique viewers and 400+ page views here.

That last observation has lead me to think long and hard about the future of WTB.  There was a time when I felt driven to write something new every day - a time, it is fair to point out, when blogging was an escape as much as a passion.  I have other interests, now, and outlets for my writing.  It has been good while since I had the time and interest to delve into another long and engaging historical series, much as I still have that interest.  Much of my nature writing ends up in the local paper.  WTB has eased into comfortable middle age, and is resting on its laurels.   Perhaps it has lost its edge.

In any case, I have no plans to discontinue this blog, but I will be taking some time to consider its future.  Whichever way that path leads, I will be glad of your company.

The Solution is Clearly More Stimulus

"When I see some of them looking for returns of 20 or 25 per cent, at a time when fellatio is close to zero, and in particular in a slump, that means we are destroying businesses,"

- Rachida Dati, France's former justice minister

Let's get right on this, shall we? 

Witch Hysteria in a Teapot

The Tea Party movement is not my cup of tea.   All that bad history and hysteria is a real turn off.  Still, I do find it amusing that its Senate primary upset in Delaware has presented the Republican party with a Christian fundamentalist who was once a practicing pagan, or dabbling witch, if you prefer.  It harkens back to the wrong century for the Tea Party, but instructive nonetheless.

Some of my best friends are neo-pagan witches.   I wonder whether Christine O'Donnell ever hung with Niszsa Zeron and the Waters of the Brandywine Grove of Reformed Druids in Newark back in the late 1980s.  Maybe we shared a horn cup of single malt (hell of a good sacrament) at the Solstice fire back in the day when I dabbled in druidism.  [Damn.  How did that slip out?  Now I will never get to be a Tea Party candidate for national office.  Bummer.]

I would think better of her if she had been dancing at Lughnasa in her teens, rather than playing Stairway to Heaven backwards on her turntable, her subsequent conversion to right wing conservative Christian notwithstanding.  There is an ancient tradition of pagans turning to the Cross (although not always willingly).  This is nothing for her less tolerant fundamentalist backers to get their hair shirts in a bunch over. 

I say, "An' it harm none, do as thou wilt."  Don't call it a youthful indiscretion.  Who among us is without sin or skulls on our bookcases skeletons in our closets?

And pass the single malt, witch.  Much better than tea.  Should have called it the Whiskey Rebellion.  I could get behind that.