Personal ads tend to bore me to extremes. That is because they are written by amateurs who are too close to the subject - themselves - and don't have their "A" game on. It's like Tom Leher says; "the reason most folk songs are so atrocious is because they were written 'by the people."
Long before texting replaced drunk driving as the recreation of choice for the younger crowd, lonely hearts were decoding DWM LF SSBBW NSA and following trails of these stale crumbs through the witch's forest. I've seen more passion expressed by a blender (or rather, in the lyrics to Blender Blues). At any rate, I've got better things to do with my opposable thumbs than go rooting around for plums in that old pie.
What these people need is a good ghost writer.
Imagine Hemingway's personal ad: "Enjoys auto-racing, bull fighting and mountain climbing. Always does sober what he says he'll do drunk. He is not dead and that is all." That ought to draw them like flies to honey.
Recognize this one? "Virtuous mom, separated, perfectionist, enjoys weaving. Will be your queen if you can bend my bow and come home more than once in a decade"
Or these: "Officer and gentleman, tall, equestrian, with expense account. Enjoys Madeira and Fabian tactics. Never lies, looks good in blue. Looking for dancing partners and possible feu de joie."
"Daddy's girl, exotic, frolicsome, protective. Looking for bearded white adventurer to save from harm. Nothing will come between us."
"Have a red letter day with me. Likes walks in the woods and shooting stars. Seeking Calvinist Clergyman to let down my hair with."
"Henpecked husband, enjoys ninepins, keggers and rambles in the mountains with my dog. Looking for a sheltered place to catch 40 winks. Can sleep through anything."
"Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Divorced, Beheaded, Survived. Looking for good man who will treat us better than queens for possible Ménage à sept. Monarchs who cast us off discourteously need not apply."
These folks really know how to sell it. Beats DWF NSFW OMG ROFL LOL any day.